So it was a weird weekend. Basically my best friend came over on Friday and pretty much read me like an open book. I guess i wasn't looking inside of myself because i was afraid of what i might find. And i was right i hated what i found but i needed to bring it out. And she did just that.  It was a very sad sight though I didn't want her to leave cuz i really needed someone to cry on but i was to stupid to stop her from leaving. I spent a good chunk of my weekend in solitude crying because i realized all the people i had hurt. I didn't mean to of course, but that's me always messing something up.  But amidst all of that i learned something. And that my best friend really does love me. And even though it isn't the kind of love that i had hoped for it is still love nonetheless. And even now just thinking about it it makes me kinda teary eyed because i have never really been loved in that way before. I mean ya my family loves me but i have never had a friend who i can really be myself around someone who genuinely cares about me.  And its weird because i don't know how to feel about this. I have never been in touch with my feelings persey, but this makes me feel...vulnerable. And part of me is sorta afraid of this feeling because i don't wanna get hurt and thrown on the back -burner which has happened so many times before.  i have always asked God to send me someone special someone who will love me. And i know it is a different kind of love than what i want but it is still love.  And if this is just a precursor of what is to come then i cant wait. I know i need to move on and i am trying but that doesn't mean i will ever stop loving you.  You mean so much to me and God put you in my life for a reason i see him in you every time you tell me it'll be ok or when you tell me not to worry or when you tell me you love me.  I cant tell you how much i appreciate what you did for me on Friday even tho it hurts it was true all of it. I just wish that sometime i can return the favor and show you just how much you mean to me. I love you and i just wanted to tell you that you are unlike any friend i have ever had and i hope that i will always have you in my life.