Unestanding

So i went on a retreat for the weekend and it felt good to get away for awhile. I needed time to think to figure what the hell i am doing and to figure out what i need to do. Well since i was on a retreat and away from everything i was actually able to pray without being interrupted without worry. I love silence especially when in the presence of the Eucharist. Things have been rough this entire month. Not to mention i managed to almost shatter a relationship with someone i  hold very near and dear to me.  But God being loving and understanding helped me this weekend. And Mary Jesus's mother was able to comfort me and help point me in the direction i needed to be going.

When Father Richard gave his homily Saturday afternoon. He talked about humility and how we are all like rubber bands and humility keeps us grounded. However if we attempt to take on to much or think higher of ourselves or do something we aren't meant to do then we snap. Mary said yes to the will of God. Instead of keeping and holding on to her free will she gave it to God saying your will not mine. She recognized the fact that she was small compared to God but because she was humble she is exalted now as the Queen of heaven.

After the Homily i was able to catch Fr. Richard before he left so i may be able to reconcile with God for all the pain and suffering i caused you.  It was a good confession and one that was much needed. Shortly after the Core team at Most Holy Trinity gave everybody a rose to place at the feet of Mary's statue that was there. I was the last person to place my rose and as i looked at it i couldn't help but to notice how beautiful it was. A mixture of orange and red and a wonderful fragrance. What better flower is there to place at the feet of the Blessed Mother than the one that is known around the world as the most beautiful flower of all.  When i placed it at her feet i looked into her eyes and i felt comfort. Deep in those sorrowful eyes she had I knew she loved me and i knew she cared and always would.  However the comfort found in her eyes was not as much as what came later.

Adoration. that night when the Eucharist was brought out i was felt overwhelmed with love. I will never be able to describe how much i love Jesus and what he has done for us, or how he has humbled himself in the form of bread so that we may be nourished spiritually.  After the opening song i walked off the stage to humble myself in front of the Lord and it didn't take long before i lay in front of him face down in awe and reverence. I told him everything (as if he didn't know it already) and his response was simple: "Still your heart, I am here and I love you. I know you are troubled but i am here now. Be still." In the silence and presence of God there is nothing that cant be done. Jesus I love you, Mary I love you.

When i left for the retreat i was weak and needed comfort. I was lost and needed direction and i was broken. I had stretched myself by doing something that God did not intend for me to do. But through his love and mercy God gave me strength. He helped me find my way. He helped repair the brokenness inside and he helped me understand what i need to do.

We cant turn back time we make mistakes and we must learn from them. I pray that what was broken between us can be repaired. I pray that the line we walk will no longer be fragile and wont break. I pray that you still think that my string of lights are shining because there is alot i need to tell you.