I wish I could find the right words to describe how i am feeling at this point in my life. But it seems nothing i can say or write will start to scratch the surface of how i feel. The feelings aren't good which sucks cuz i haven't felt "Good" in awhile. And the more aware of these feelings i become the more i realize how much it sucks to be human. I was online and i couldn't help but to feed my curious side and i googled why does love hurt. Of course i got a list of child and spousal abuse websites but i did find one article and it said: "Love doesn't hurt at all, quite the contrary. However, it is when we don't have mutual love that when love becomes painful". As i kept reading i sorta liked what i read until i saw something that made me upset. It said "True Love is a give and take". Maybe i am wrong but with love there should be no take only give BUT each person needs to give the love they have to the other person. Not one person give and the other one just sits there. Jesus didn't take anything he just gave.But what do you do when the person you love doesn't want it? Or anybody for that matter. Sometimes i feel stupid posting this stuff on my blog. But i guess hopefully it will change someones life. I doubt cuz no one really cares but hey nothing wrong with dreaming right? Of course my mom says i do that to often.  Idk where i was going with all of this. I just thought it would maybe help me get a grip on things but i guess not. Whenever i am out with family or my brothers and there is a girl around they always push me to go talk to her. I never do though, mainly because i can already tell you what is going to happen so i save myself the trouble. Or the person in question doesn't meet my standards. Not that i have room to have any i am no prince charming or anyone special but i will never settle even if that means i have to die alone, i will never settle.  If there is one thing i learned people who settle end up on Jerry Springer.  I feel like i am just rambling so i am sorry for wasting your time if you read this.I am trying to make myself feel better but the more i right the more i realize how stupid and pathetic i am. I wish i could be like Davy Jones from Pirates of the Caribbean, Just take a knife and carve my heart out so i don't have to hurt anymore. But oh well that's just a movie and another stupid fantasy in the world of Michael.