Best Friend

Recent events have been fairly tragic as of late. Ive been dealing with stuff that nobody should have to deal with but such is life. But throughout this whole ordeal i just want to know where am i going? Losing someone is never easy but when that person is lost because the committed suicide is even more shocking. It seems that no expression is ever enough to console the loved ones of that persons family. I'm sorry just doesn't work. My condolences? This isn't the Godfather. But out of the few people i have told one question that is very upsetting to me is Why? I tell them a friend committed suicide and they ask me why? I don't know how to respond to that question. If i had known why then maybe this could've been prevented maybe i or someone else could have helped them see reason to live instead of abruptly ending there lives at the age of 23.

Which brings me to myself I have only contemplated suicide once. A loong time ago. And for me it wasn't because i was sad or hopeless it was because i was angry and felt like nobody understood me. I really don't have very many friends. There are people i know and still talk to but out of all the people i know i really only have a few, enough to count on my hands. Kevin, Chris (my brother), My Mom, Josh, Nick, Erin, Jacob, Chris and Stephanie. The first 5 are family so i guess that automatically rules them as friends. But out of the last four the only person who i really talk to is Stephanie. I am not an easy person to be around.  I can put on a show for people tell jokes and make them laugh but there is only one person i can be around where i am actually me. She is someone i don't have to put on a facade for, because even if i do she will see right through it. And even more she is the ONLY person i will listen to country music with. When i need somebody to talk to or need to be comforted she is always there. Regardless of what time of day it is. And because of the things that she has been through in her past she gets me and understands where i am coming from. She doesn't judge me or think i am crazy. She is my best friend and someone i admire and look up to. I understand that we will never be more than just friends. But as long as she is there it doesn't really matter.