lies, deceit, is that all you see in me now. is that all i am to everyone. you dont think i see the fault in my actions. you accuse me of taking advantage of you, when you told me how you felt. you dont think i tried. i did, i really did. but you told me how alone you were, how you feel surrounded by people yet isolated. what did you expect. did i fail to use better judgement. ya i did, but to say i took advantage to say i waited like some sick predator you dont have to believ that i care hell you dont even have to think about me at all. you think i wanted this. do you really think a kiss to me is worth losing our friendship over. you told me you wanted me to. you knew how i felt and how hopeless of a romantic i am, not that that has anything to do with it. this isnt just your fault or my fault, the blame is equal. do you want to know why im mad. becaus people who were my friends all vilify me now. to you and them im some sort of sick predator lurking or a horrible person or whatever it is you want tp call me. i didnt want you to be alone i did want you to hurt, i didnt want to be alone i didnt want to hurt. i tried to give you your space i really did but when you tell me you are hurting or when i hear that you cam close to cutting, do you expect me to sit around and do nothing. come on you know me better than that.

i know you dont believe me when i say i didnt want any of this.  everything ive done ive tried to do for you. but it doesnt matter anymore, you have your boyfriend and your best friend and your happy.