One Whole Year

so its been an entire year since i have become catholic. and i am surprised im still here. its been the hardest time of my life spiritually and emotionally. i remember when it happened we are all so happy. we were like a family and we all loved each other. and now look where we are. we are broken well at least i am i cant speak for everyone else. but we are drifting apart.  or maybe its just me. maybe im the one changing and everyone else is staying the same or maybe its the opposite. idk whats happening but i do know i feel alone. abandoned. not just by my friends but i feel like god is just watching. ive been praying so fervently lately and so desperately but i feel likes its falling on deaf ears. although i guess i am to blame for this mess big surprise there.  idk what to fo anymore. pray i guess. but is it even right for me to pray for things to be like they were. where you know we were friends and actually cared about each other. when we talked and spent time together. but maybe this is what god wants idk. am i the only one that thinks things have gone bad. oh happy easter.