So I have this urge to do something physical. Part of me wants this to be sparring ugh sometimes I wish i was back in Rennies front yard boxing. There is something...euphoric about being in the ring. Taking hits and hitting back. Going toe to toe till one person cant keep going.
Not once did i ever quit. Ive been hit hard enough to be knocked to the ground. But I didn't give up. Nope i got back up in all my glory and kept swinging until the three 1min and 30 sec rounds were done. I need august to be here. I want to go to Vegas and win that tournament. I dont want to do forms or staff. No! I want to test my mettle and come out on top. I have always had a fighting spirit. I may not have always been first. But i never stopped i kept going. I like physical pain. I know crazy right? But its easier than emotional distress. For me there is a sense of pride in taking physical pain a sense of strength. But when i am sad or depressed it practically is crippling.
I've been fighting now for over three years. I don't know how long i can keep going. I know what i should do. I should see a Doctor and I should get help. But i cant. I cant put the people I care about going through all that again. I need to fight..but idk how much longer I can.
God please heal me.
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