I wish knew what to do. I think of myself and i really don't know what to think. Every since i was a little kid i always wanted to be a hero. Save the day get the girl and fly off into the distance with the wind at my back. I have always considered myself a fighter. Not in the physical sense, although i have had my few scuffles but i don't like to sit idly by when something needs to be done. Whether it is something that needs to be fixed or crime that needs to be fought, i hate being useless. I don't have much in the way of talent i mean ya i can play the piano but i am no Elton John or Nat King Cole. But other than that i don't have much to offer. I have thought about being a priest but lets face it i am really not the kind of person who should be sheperding peoples souls and i am no where near strong enough to make a vow of celibacy. My entire life i have always seen myself as a family man. With lots of kids a beautiful wife and a dog. My biggest problem is that what i want to do i really cant support a family. I feel like God has backed me into a corner and i only have one way out. I know it isn't the truth but I still feel this way. I feel...stagnant. I want to help people i know that and i love teaching people about the church and history and theology and whatnot. But still i know that path leads to the priesthood because there really isn't another job where theology really can bring home the bacon to support a family.
All of my friends have these amazing stories of how they became catholic or truly began to believe. One of my friends realized how much God loved her after a failed suicide attempt and how that changed her life. Another friend found his way while lost in a parking lot. But what about me? I became Catholic because i wanted more. I felt stagnant in my faith as a Lutheran and realized i was missing out on something beautiful. But i didn't have anybody there to influence me. Just people to answer questions and books to satisfy my hunger for knowledge and history. I feel like i am wandering just floating in empty space working and killing time with school. i feel like i have no purpose I'm an easy person to talk to. But what is the point if no one is willing to talk? Ya i can offer advice to tens and help them on there journey through life but i really don't count for much there. It is there choice whether or not they want to do what is right all i can offer them is the truth. I would much rather just be kicked in the nuts by God and pointed in the right direction but i guess that is asking to much. God enjoys being...subtle. Everyone says pray and trust and be patient but time is running out. I don't want to be wandering or floating the rest of my life. I will never abandon my faith\ that much i know i may be unsure but i will always have my convictions.
God if you are reading this a little help would be nice thanks.
Michael, first off you need to know one thing. Jesus Christ is made known to countless people through you. There is one teen in particular who has grown so much because you have allowed God to work through you. And I know without a doubt that there are others who have been touched by you. The whole Core team appreciates everything you bring to our team. You're such a big help with the success that our ministry has achieved. But the grace you have bestowed on others extends beyond just St. Anne. I am positive that your family is impacted daily by the very person that you are and the love of God that is so obvious in you. I know at times it may not feel like it, but your family appreciates and loves you. You help them out so much. You love them. You protect them. You're an amazing blessing. In addition, there is a little boy who is extremely blessed by your care. By working with him, you are already doing God's work. Don't sell yourself short my friend. God has already worked through you in many ways.
ReplyDeleteSecond of all, you do not need a life changing event to validate your faith. The fact that you came to Church on your own, however, is such an amazing thing in itself. Do you not understand what kind of strength that took? You're an inspiration Michael.
And finally, perhaps most importantly, you need to understand one more thing. This faith journey you are on, you do not travel alone on. And whatever path you are to take will be made known to you. Patience is such a hard thing, I know. But the payoff will be great. Hang on buddy. I'm here for you. Erin, Jacob, Chris, Katrina, Jeremy, Dan and everyone else is here for you too. We all struggle. We're all confused. But God loves you so much and He wants you to be happy. Sometimes I think you may try too hard. You're so eager for just everything to begin and fall into place. I understand that feeling but sometimes we just need to take a step back and simply appreciate the things God has already given us. The prayers He has already answered. Time isn't running out. In so many ways, your life has just begun. I love you.