Sleeping In

I have always hated waking up in the morning. I hate the feeling of being tired and i hate when i have to be somewhere before the sun is up. however tomorrow is going to be different. I don't want to sleep in. I want to have to get up and drag myself out of bed to see you. I want to sit in the shower cursing asking myself why i have to be up so early. I want to get into my car and feel the icy cold upholstery on my skin and the brisk air in my car. I want to feel the pain of my contacts in my eyes because my eyes are still swollen because they haven't rested enough. I want to stand in the shower and curse life because it is so damn early.  I want to get in my car drive over while it is still dark and right before i open the door ask "Why the fuck am i up so early?". Because i know when i open the door i look down and see something that has all but vanished from this world. I want to look at the happy face of someone who only knows love.  And then i remember this is why i wake up. This is why shrug of the pain in my eyes, this is why i embrace the cold morning chill.

But tomorrow ill be up at around ten. The sun will be shining but it will still be cold. And my eyes wont be swollen but i still wont be able to see the joy. Some people may read this and say stop sulking or get a grip. But what they don't understand or fail to realize is that you were one of the few people who accepted me. You were such an amazing person and will be in the years to come.  You have so much to share with the world and you are just now getting started. You mean so much to me and alot of other people who you will probably never know. I know you may not understand right now and maybe you never will but i really do Love you and always will. And as long as i am around there will always be a candle lit in the church burning bright for you.

I know things are kinda bad right now but even when the bombs go off the sun will still be shining, cuz every mushroom cloud has a silver lining.

So now i have alot of quiet time 30 more hours to be exact and while alot of it will be devoted to finding a new job i think i will devote alot more time to someone who i need to spend more time with and will hopefully give me the direction i need.