Trust Issues

I have always had problems trusting. Whether it be myself others or even God. But today that has changed despite everything that has happened these past months today i have never felt more peace in my life. I spent some time in the Adoration Chapel today at church. I felt like i needed some quiet time to help get my head on straight and get my bearing.  Monday night i was at a friends house and we watched a segment of the T3 series and there was one thing that really hit home for me. Prayer. Something that has been seriously lacking in my life. I have always had a hard time praying unless something bad happens. Of course i think that is how alot of us are when it comes to prayer. The reason i have had a hard time praying was because i didn't trust God. I was just sorta going through the motions. I believed and all but i had never really trusted. The idea of trusting in something i only saw once a week and something that never really talked back to me was a little crazy to me.  However that all changed when i realized that when i did pray i wasn't praying correctly. Now i have heard time and time again that there is no "right" way to pray. However, when Mark Hart talked about the wedding at Cana he said Mary showed us how to pray in the most simple way. All she says is "They have no wine" then she turned to the servants and said "Do what he tells you". That's it. It is so simple and yet i have hard the hardest time saying that.  She tells Jesus what is wrong she tells the servants to trust in the Lord and Bam everything was ok. Why? Because they trusted in God. They didn't say hey God i need this. or God could you do it this way. It was simply "they have no wine" and "do what he tells you.  So today i went into the Adoration Chapel and i simply said "God i have no direction please help me". And to my surprise something happened.  I sat in the chapel for about an hour as i started reading "Confessions of St. Augustine". As i read i felt overwhelmed with emotion. The words that St. Augustine shares in his book are so powerful. Every word jumped out and hit home. There were a few times i almost thought i was going to cry because of the sheer beauty of what was written and how it was written. But while i was in the chapel i felt comfort. I felt relieve that i didn't have to worry about my problems and that God would take care of everything as long as i trusted in him.

For awhile now i have been discerning the priesthood. And i use the term discerning very lightly. It was more of a ya that's nice but i don't really care or God i love ya but your crazy.  But today that changed.  I have been so stupid and ignorant to what God wants and all i have been focused on is what I want. Even in my selfishness God was kind enough to show me mercy and comfort. I don't know what God has planned i don't have to. All i know is that whatever it is i trust him and Love him.

So by now (if you are still reading this) you are probably like ok..well what is the meaning of this? I plan on becoming a Catholic Priest. After i get my associates i will be able to go to seminary and continue discerning my vocation to the priesthood. If it is what God has planned for me then i know i will be happy. If not...well that's ok its in Gods hands