Broken Hearted

So i went on a retreat this weekend and i don't think i have ever been affected in such a way. It was difficult for me to focus not just on the small things but even playing music was challenging. It wasn't the lack of sleep that distracted me or all the running around. It was the things some of my teens shared in small groups that really hit me. Whoever said that our youth is wasted was wrong. The correct term is misunderstood and crying out for help.

The first thing that completely blew my mind was a girl i had met. A 16 year old girl who has had to raise hesrself and her siblings because her parents don't care. But not only that a 16 year old girl who is so compassionate and loving that she is raising her Godchild because her Godchild's mother passed away. 16 and taking the world no time for play, no time to live a "normal" life. Not only that but because of all the pain that being in high school can bring she feels like nobody is out there who she can talk to. She puts up walls and wont open up. But finally God was able to make her walls crumble as she opened up and started crying saying how she couldn't take it anymore. I don't if what i said helped at all because to be honest i really didn't know what to say. But after our discussion a light seemed to shine once again in a broken spirit.

Then there is the Gangster. The one who hangs out with the wrong crowd because they will give him protection. A 15 year old kid who needs protection. Is it me or is something wrong with that? not only that but he tells me how he cant be at home because his father is always doing "business" I wont say what kind but i am sure you can guess.  How bad do things have to be to where the best people you can find are the ones that cause problems and break the law? However amongst everything God was still able to move through him. He was Honest he knew what he had been doing was wrong and said how he wanted to change. But what really hit me was when he told me that because of me he wanted to change. That i was his role model and somebody to look up too. Me? I don't get it i am no one special and i am just as flawed as anybody else. I'm not perfect.

Then there are the twins. The two kids i have the most sympathy for. Not because they have a shitty life or anything but because everyone seems to have lost hope. The two brothers are rude, they always fight, they cause all sorts of trouble and absolutely hate youth group.  But the thing is I love both of those kids. I know that deep down they aren't as bad as everyone seems to make them out to be. Yes they cause problems but saying how much they annoy you doesn't help that. The only thing i have seen that works with people like that is compassion, and not the touchy feely stuff. No. Its the kind of compassion that comes from an older sibling.  The one that even though he isn't always perfect he still knows whats appropriate and whats not. But they don't have that. All they know is competition and trying to beat everybody else. To make sure that they are the best and everybody knows it. But if nobody shows them faith or compassion then how will they change?

These are just a few of the things that went on during the retreat. The sad thing is i cant fix these things. All i do is listen and try to help. But it isn't enough not for these kids. They deserve the best, they deserve love and compassion like no other. They all need help. I have never felt so broken hearted after a retreat. I have never seen so many cracked and broken spirits.