Be here now.

Don't let your soul get lonely child
It's only time, it will go by
Don't look for love in faces, places
It's in you, that's where you'll find kindness

Be here now, here now
Be here now, here now

Don't lose your faith in me
And I will try not to lose faith in you
Don't put your trust in walls
'Cause walls will only crush you when they fall

Be here now, here now
Be here now, here now
For so long i have been struggling. I was struggling to find the love of that special someone. that person who puts the butterflies in your stomach the on that makes your heart race. I have always put my trust and love in people and things. But i feel like i never really loved myself. Not in the self centered narcissitic way but i have always thought that if someone didn't love me then i was somehow defective. Like Charlie in the Box. you know the one who Rudolf finds on the island of misfit toys? After realizing that the person i thought was the one, the person who i wanted to give all my love too, that person who gave me butterflies wasn't the right one. I felt numb. Like i had nothing left. that if she wouldn't accept it and take it then nobody would. But after listening to this song and reading the lyrics something dawned on me. Sorta like an epiphany.  When i think of all those whom i love people like Logan, Stephanie , Erin, Chris ( my friend), Chris (my brother), and everyone else. I realized that I had the love i was looking for this whole time. As good ol' Ray says "Don't look for Love in faces places, its in you that's where you'll find kindness. I don't think Kindness and love are synonymous but i do think that they are complementary. I love my friends and my family more than anything else in this world. But i feel like it has taken me up until now to realize that I was confused and i didn't have my faith in the right place. I put my trust in walls instead of a sturdy foundation.  And when push came to shove the walls i trusted came tumbling down leaving me in the rubble of my emotions. My soul was lonely and i felt like i had nothing left. Nothing more to give.  But when i took a moment to reflect to listen to the song and really think about where i am and who i am and what i do. I realized that the love i wanted was inside of me and will always be here no and forever. As long as i trust in love then i will not fall.

This next part is for you. You know who you are and you know i love you. I would do anything for you if only you asked i would be by your side holding your hand and sheltering you from anything that tried to hurt you. But that is not my part in this story. That role belongs to somebody else. And instead of supporting him and helping him with what he needed i put him down and didn't let trust in love. Instead i trusted in myself which i found only brought me more pain and heartache. I love you so much and i am sorry for all the pain i put you through. There is alot of things i wish i didn't say and resentment that i should have let go sooner. But i love you and him, and i will always be here now and forever

I Love You Both.