Thoughts

I dont know what the point of this blog is right now. I'm probably just gonna ramble for a little bit so feel free to tune out.

Today sucks, plain and simple. I am in more pain than I will admit, and It Isn't just physical. I wish I knew what was wrong with me, I really do. For some reason no matter where I am or what I do I'm just not good enough. I not a good big brother, I'm not a good student, I've been told I am going to amount to nothing in life and that I am overweight or as my grandma so delicately puts it a "Fatty". No matter how hard I try to start something with the woman I love somebody or something is always trying to hinder me. My problem is I fight and I don't give up. Maybe I should maybe I should just throw in the towel amd leave. I wouldn't be missed. Hell I would probably be doing everyone a favor.I just can't seem to do anythingh right, I'm just not good enough I guess, maybe she's on to something. I've always liked my "Never Back Down" attitude I never stop fighting until I am down and out...literally.

I just dont want to give anyone the satisfaction I guess. I've always had to fight and struggle and that's made me who I am, but I cant help feeling that the game has changed. Is it because I fell in Love? Is that like the "Legendary" difficulty on Halo. When you fall in Love, everybody suddenly is against you? I dont understand maybe I was never meant to fall in Love. Maybe I am destined to be alone and the reason everything is so hard is because I am fighting God, or fate, or destiny, whatever the hell you want to call it. I have never loved any one person or any one thing the way I love you, and it has been far from easy, dealing with everything that we have. I could spend hours writing about everything we've been through as friends and what I've been through personally but none of that matters. All I want is for you to be happy, for you to succeed in life and whatever you choose to do. Believe me, I know life isnt easy, but I always imagined I would go down life's rocky road with someone.  Its only been until recentlythat that person has been made clear. (yes it's you)

I don't want to give up. I can't give up. But if you asked me to stop, if you told me to go away and never come back. What choice would I have?