Distance

You dont have to read this, just thoughts that have been keeping me up at night.

Things feel like they are spiraling out of control. Physically, emotionally, psychologically. I feel like I am hanging on for dear life. I feel the war being waged inside of my heart, I feel this...thing constantly swirling and squeezing itself ever tighter around my heart.  There is nothing more painful then seeing someone you love suffering and you cant do anything about it. Its torture, pure torture. I feel selfish writing this but I have too, I need some sort of outlet. There hasnt been a single night where I havent thought about you. I often sometimes wonder if you ever think about me like a passing glance or something, maybe I'm just stupid idk, but there is nothing worse than this lingering fear in my head. It comes and goes and i try to fight it but sometimes it is just to much. I dont want to lose you. I Love You more than anything and yet all I can do is watch from a distance. I feel like a ghost just standing there slowly dissipating in the wind trying to reach out but only falling on deaf ears.  Im sorry I really am I never wanted this, any of this. I miss you in my life.

I dont know if you read this still, I know we said some harsh words and I am sorry, I didnt mean what I said, I was just angry. I hope you can forgive me and I hope that you still love me.