Prayers Needed

 

I used to spend time hiking in these mountains and because somebody decided to start a fire all of that is destroyed. Not only that, I cant find a picture yet but the chapel I spent alot of time praying in, a place of peace calm and serenity, a place where not just me but many people would go to spend time with God and just enjoy the solitude is now gone, and the home of the couple who built the chapel was burnt down as well.

Panic

so the whole reason im blogging right now is because i think  i am having some sort of idk anxiety attack or mild nervous breakdown. all i know is something isnt right and seeing as i have no one to talk to i am trying to work this out via typing. so if you are hoping to get something out of this i suggest you just stop reading. idk what is wrong i just dont feel right right now. i feel overwhelmed and i dont know why. i dont even know where this came from i was minding my own business on my way home from training and bam i just felt alone. and that in itself isnt even the problem cuz i dont care about that i just idk ahhhh i wish i knew what the hell was going on. i feel so out of  control right now and i justi hate the way i feel right now.

Still Alive

first off kudos if you know where i got the title from. now on a more serious note. seriously how am i still alive. three years and it hasnt gotten better only worse. i can feel it coursing through my body. how are my tendons and muscles still connected. how is my neck has gone stiff or my jaw break. it hurts but there isnt anything i can do just endure. but how much more can i take.

Dont Judge Me.

Its funny how proplr work, the slightest thing can bring back memories. Whether it be a song, a smell something somebody says. I was driving to meet my brother for dinner and this song came on the radio and i couldnt help but to laugh at the irony and the truth of the matter.

I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us,
How we met and the sparks flew instantly,
People would say they're the lucky ones.
I used to know my place was a spot next to you,
Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat,
'Cause lately I don't even know what page you're on.

Oh, a simple complication,
Miscommunications lead to fall-out.
So many things that I wished you knew,
So many walls that I can't break through.

[Chorus:]
Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking,
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah?
I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate when it all broke down,
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.

Next chapter.

How'd we end up this way?
See me nervously pulling at my clothes and trying to look busy,
And you're doing your best to avoid me.
I started to think one day I'd tell the story of us,
How I was losing my mind when I saw you here,
But you held your pride like you should've held me.

Oh, I'm scared to see the ending,
Why are we pretending this is nothing?
I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how,
I've never heard silence quite this loud.

[Chorus:]
Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking,
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah?
I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate when it all broke down,
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.

This is looking like a contest,
Of who can act like the careless,
But I liked it better when you were on my side.
The battle's in your hands now,
But I would lay my armor down
If you said you'd rather love than fight.
So many things that you wished I knew,
But the story of us might be ending soon.

[Chorus:]
Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking,
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah?
I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate when it all broke down,
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now, now, now.
And we're not speaking,
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah?
I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate 'cause we're going down,
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.

To be continued...

I chabged the last part. Because i dont think this is the end. And if it is tahat means I have given up on you which I havent and I never will.

Lost.

wait, i'm wrong
should've done better than this
please, i'll be strong
i'm finding it hard to resist

so show me what i'm looking for

save me, i'm lost
oh lord i've been waiting for you
i'll pay any cost
save me from being confused
show me what i'm looking for
show me what i'm looking for
oh lord

don't let go
i've wanted this far too long
mistakes become regrets
i've learned to love abuse
please show me what i'm looking for

save me, im lost
oh lord i've been waiting for you
i'll pay any cost
save me from being confused
show me what i'm looking for
show me what i'm looking for
oh lord

show me what i'm looking for
show me what i'm looking for
show me what i'm looking for

save me, im lost
oh lord i've been waiting for you
i'll pay any cost
to save me from being confused
wait, i'm wrong
i can't do better than this
i'll pay any cost
save me from being confused

show me what i'm looking for
show me what i'm looking for
show me what i'm looking for
show me what i'm looking for
oh lord