This is going to be a relatively short blog mainly because i have a few thoughts that i have been mulling over in my head these past few days.
The first one is why am i so upset and angry? Nobody has done anything to me, at least not that i know of but i still feel like i have this huge pit in my chest and a lump in my throat.
Second. Is it possible to know God and not feel him? For some reason i would never deny the existence of God or the Truth that is the Catholic Church. Nor would I say that Jesus isn't the Son of God because i know he is. I pray, I got to Mass, and i read books about Church history and teaching. But for some reason i cant feel him.. I want to i really but idk maybe something is wrong with me. I guess this would sorta answer why i feel so angry and upset. I don't think God has abandoned me but it is just that he doesn't wanna be around me or something. Or he is just watching to see what i do. People say i should be happy that my vocation may be to the priesthood. But the truth is i am not. Mainly because i don't really want to. But i know that God always makes us do things we don't want to do and things end up ok. But i just don't feel like anything is ok anymore. I need something. i don't know what it is but i know i need something. I don't know where to find it but i need help. As to what kind well idk
In answer to your question about knowing God but not feeling Him:Mother Theresa experienced MANY years where she never felt the presence of God, but because of her strong Faith, she still pushed forward and did God's work. Now I don't know a whole bunch on that, but maybe she's someone you'd want to look into or maybe ask to intercede for you. If you want we have a few of her books, not sure if anyone have to do with her "dark" time but I can check.
ReplyDeleteSecond, When you are closest to God, you feel the farthest away. How completely contradictory. But you also need to understand, God will never turn his back on you-we, as humans choose to turn our backs on Him. He will never walk away from us or abandon us.
Keep praying Michael, you know you need something-that's a start. If I can ever help with anything do let me know :)