Its been awhile since my lost blog. So i apologize to my followers all two of you. It isn't that i don't have anything to say,because I do. Its more of a matter of words just seem inadequate. I feel like things are slowly starting to look up. I feel like I have finally regained some of my footing after being knocked down and am starting to grow stronger. I Love the following people more than anything in the world (with exception of Jesus Christ of course).
(Disclaimer: I apologize for misspelled names)
Christopher Michael LaVoy
Jacob Lane
Erin Rebello
Stephanie Gonzalez. (with a z)
The four of you have truly been THE BIGGEST blessing anybody could ask for. You all have loved me and have helped me learn to love. I wish I could somehow return the favor for everything you have done for me but I don't know if there is any gift that can compare to what you have all given me. If any of you ever need anything please don't hesitate to ask. I love all of you.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Help Wanted
This is going to be a relatively short blog mainly because i have a few thoughts that i have been mulling over in my head these past few days.
The first one is why am i so upset and angry? Nobody has done anything to me, at least not that i know of but i still feel like i have this huge pit in my chest and a lump in my throat.
Second. Is it possible to know God and not feel him? For some reason i would never deny the existence of God or the Truth that is the Catholic Church. Nor would I say that Jesus isn't the Son of God because i know he is. I pray, I got to Mass, and i read books about Church history and teaching. But for some reason i cant feel him.. I want to i really but idk maybe something is wrong with me. I guess this would sorta answer why i feel so angry and upset. I don't think God has abandoned me but it is just that he doesn't wanna be around me or something. Or he is just watching to see what i do. People say i should be happy that my vocation may be to the priesthood. But the truth is i am not. Mainly because i don't really want to. But i know that God always makes us do things we don't want to do and things end up ok. But i just don't feel like anything is ok anymore. I need something. i don't know what it is but i know i need something. I don't know where to find it but i need help. As to what kind well idk
The first one is why am i so upset and angry? Nobody has done anything to me, at least not that i know of but i still feel like i have this huge pit in my chest and a lump in my throat.
Second. Is it possible to know God and not feel him? For some reason i would never deny the existence of God or the Truth that is the Catholic Church. Nor would I say that Jesus isn't the Son of God because i know he is. I pray, I got to Mass, and i read books about Church history and teaching. But for some reason i cant feel him.. I want to i really but idk maybe something is wrong with me. I guess this would sorta answer why i feel so angry and upset. I don't think God has abandoned me but it is just that he doesn't wanna be around me or something. Or he is just watching to see what i do. People say i should be happy that my vocation may be to the priesthood. But the truth is i am not. Mainly because i don't really want to. But i know that God always makes us do things we don't want to do and things end up ok. But i just don't feel like anything is ok anymore. I need something. i don't know what it is but i know i need something. I don't know where to find it but i need help. As to what kind well idk
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Apology
this is for anybody who read my las blog i am sorry for hurting u and if u didnt read it well i am still sorry.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
A year in Retrospect
So this past year has been somewhat of an adventure.Things have happened that i never thought in a million years would be possible. First of all, I became Catholic probably the biggest and most important decision i have ever made in my life. The struggles that have come with this new sense of faith and purpose has been ridiculous and there are plenty more to come.
I fell in love. Of course i don't really know if i am surprised that happened. I have always been a bit of a romantic at heart. However the person i fell for is in a relationship and is going to marry the man that she is with. Although it may seem like a bad ending to a fairytale there is always a lesson to be learned. It is hard to accept things that you have no control over. However i feel that through this fairytale of an idea that i have God has taught me to accept things how they are and be happy.
Trust was another lesson that has been taught to me. I have always had trust issues and i still do. I don't like talking to people about my problems and i hate being a burden for somebody. but again God in his infinite wisdom knows this and through the help of my friends has taught me it is ok to be open.
Another important change that happened this year came from a little 2 year old friend of mine. And although he may not know he taught me that no matter what we should always love unconditionally and everybody loves a good hug.
I think the next thing i learned is one of the most important. This is something you taught me (and you know who you are). You taught me its ok to be vulnerable, that crying doesn't make me any less of a man. I know things have been rough between s and i know its going to be along time before things are ok again, I just hope that it isn't too long. But you gave me something i had never really had before and that was a shoulder to cry on and in that you taught me what it meant to be a tender loving person even to those people who are stupid, stubborn, jackasses at times.
Change is everywhere, it is all around us and we have to be open to that change otherwise we wont survive. I have always been a creature of habit all the way down to where i sit in the classroom. However my new years resolution is to be open to the change that happens in my life and to accept things that are out of my control.
And lastly before i left for California, somebody very close to me gave me the best gift i had ever received. We had always been close but the song you gave me meant more to me than anything i have ever gotten. If you couldve seen the tears that started to well up in my eyes or feel the lump that formed in my throat you'd no this. But through that song you told me that your were proud of me, and that even though you aren't physically here at the moment you'll always be by my side. You told me that i meant something to you and that is the best gift anybody has ever given me. I love you and I hope you come home safely, because if something were to happen i don't think i could wait a lifetime to see you again.
There are many more years to come and i hope throughout the years i become a stronger and more faithful person i hope you had a happy new years and are ready for whatever else the world has to throw at you. And if you feel like things are going downhill just remember the one thing that will hold us all together is love.
I fell in love. Of course i don't really know if i am surprised that happened. I have always been a bit of a romantic at heart. However the person i fell for is in a relationship and is going to marry the man that she is with. Although it may seem like a bad ending to a fairytale there is always a lesson to be learned. It is hard to accept things that you have no control over. However i feel that through this fairytale of an idea that i have God has taught me to accept things how they are and be happy.
Trust was another lesson that has been taught to me. I have always had trust issues and i still do. I don't like talking to people about my problems and i hate being a burden for somebody. but again God in his infinite wisdom knows this and through the help of my friends has taught me it is ok to be open.
Another important change that happened this year came from a little 2 year old friend of mine. And although he may not know he taught me that no matter what we should always love unconditionally and everybody loves a good hug.
I think the next thing i learned is one of the most important. This is something you taught me (and you know who you are). You taught me its ok to be vulnerable, that crying doesn't make me any less of a man. I know things have been rough between s and i know its going to be along time before things are ok again, I just hope that it isn't too long. But you gave me something i had never really had before and that was a shoulder to cry on and in that you taught me what it meant to be a tender loving person even to those people who are stupid, stubborn, jackasses at times.
Change is everywhere, it is all around us and we have to be open to that change otherwise we wont survive. I have always been a creature of habit all the way down to where i sit in the classroom. However my new years resolution is to be open to the change that happens in my life and to accept things that are out of my control.
And lastly before i left for California, somebody very close to me gave me the best gift i had ever received. We had always been close but the song you gave me meant more to me than anything i have ever gotten. If you couldve seen the tears that started to well up in my eyes or feel the lump that formed in my throat you'd no this. But through that song you told me that your were proud of me, and that even though you aren't physically here at the moment you'll always be by my side. You told me that i meant something to you and that is the best gift anybody has ever given me. I love you and I hope you come home safely, because if something were to happen i don't think i could wait a lifetime to see you again.
There are many more years to come and i hope throughout the years i become a stronger and more faithful person i hope you had a happy new years and are ready for whatever else the world has to throw at you. And if you feel like things are going downhill just remember the one thing that will hold us all together is love.
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