As seen by me.

When I first started this blog it was in order to help people understand my perception on things like life love, beauty and, religion. The more I look at my posts the more I realize it has simply become a place for me to complain in a semi-private place in hopes that somebody would read and sympathize. I feel like this blog has been a failure in its original mission. Of course the blog is not to blame for this it is more on the bloggers shoulders. Some time has passed since I last blogged and I don't know when I will blog again. The title of this post in case you haven't noticed is titled after  my blog name. This post will be what every other post should've been, which is a glimpse of how my mind works.

Time, it is probably something that will always be against us. We never get younger, only older. One thing about humanity that never ceases to amaze me is the assumption that there is plenty of time. This assumption is false, why? Because you do not know how much time you really have on this planet time is NOT equal opportunity we do not all live to be the same age. I have always wondered what it would be like to know the hour of my death, to have the knowledge of when I will depart from this planet. Would it be something that motivates me or would I become apathetic and cynical? Does time even matter? We spend all of our time making plans and schedules, which admittedly, can be a good thing, but if there is one thing I have noticed plans rarely go the way we want them too and when they fall through people tend to panic. In all honestly when all is said and done and your dead the only thing that will matter the only "plan" that truly meant anything is what God planned for your life. So many times I have made plans that fell through because it was not what God had intended for me. So the way I see it plans are not that important, sure there is not harm to planning out your daily events just be aware that no everything will fall in order like you want it to.

Balance, it is a concept that I have never really taken into consideration until now. Our physical bodies are in a constant state of flux, trying to maintain homeostasis. I wonder what makes people think that the same principle does not hold true for emotional and spiritual wellness. There are alot of things I can say on this matter so I will try to keep it brief so as not to bore you to sleep. Ever since I started martial arts two years ago I have noticed that there are two very different things that must come together in order to perfect your form; Hard and Soft. A true master can understand the right moment for each of these and know how to use them together to achieve the proper results. Same is true for emotional wellness. Stress is something everyone, everywhere has to deal with. Some stress is even healthy for a person, but it is when we let too many things at one time affect us that stress becomes something overwhelming and possibly detrimental to our well being. There is not a single person in the world who can do everything, that is not how God intended for humanity to exist. In order for someone to overcome this feeling that they have to do everything, it is extremely important for them to know there limits. Everybody has strengths and weaknesses this is old news, but I think alot of times what people do is they try to spend all their time overcoming their weaknesses instead of playing off of there strengths. Yes you have to work on your weaknesses to turn them into strengths but focusing solely on the negatives will eventually cause you to forget the positives both need ample attention. Like I said earlier about the hard and soft coming together same goes for any human, you must use your strengths to help overcome your weakness which in turn makes your weakness grow stronger. Spiritual wellness also is dependent on balance.While this is a little bit different than physical and emotional wellness there is a sense of balance that must be reached. It is kinda like the difference between fear of the Lord and just flat out being afraid of God. Both are considered fear of God but there is difference in that the gift of "Fear of the Lord" is in reference to awe and wonder. If you let to much of that fear grab your spirit though then you become paralyzed. Also i believe that it is just as important to take care of yourself spiritually as it is to help others with their problems. However, if you do not handle your own spiritual well being how can you effectively counsel or help others. God is love overflowing! Let him flow into you so that you may overflow with love to pass on to the next person. For me the most basic rule of Christianity is to love others as Christ loves me. Being balanced does not equate to being average or boring it simply means that in all things with the exception of praising and loving God, should be done in moderation.

alot of things I love about you but the main reason is ever elusive to me. One possible explanation is that you are the person God put on this earth for me to love and the fact that God himself chose you to be mine forever is a reason so profound that It cannot simply be explained, the fact that our connection is not simply a feeling I had, but more like an awakening by a force that can only be described as divine, a stirring within my soul. Not my heart, or my mind or my body, but my soul. The depth of this is not something that I can put into words I can only hope and pray that you understand this because when I ask you, why you love me, you cannot come up with a reason because it is simply divinely inexplicable.  In short what we have is something of God and God is something we will only be able to slightly understand with our finite minds.

These are just a few of my thoughts, there is so much more to what I think, I do not expect anyone who reads this to agree or like my point of views on these things however, maybe just maybe it will give whoever reads this a bit of insight to my madness.

Alone

I found this thing and it's really weird because at first I thought it was love. I mean it looked like love, smeeled like love, talked like love, so it must be love...right?

The turh is I dont now anything anymore. What's true waht's not. I am tired of al this fighting. I am tired of the screaming and the anger. I don't want to be alone anymore.But yet at 8;00 in the morning here I am feeling so God damned alone. No one to talk too, just me. Hell not even Desmond wants be around me. I wonder if this si meant to be or if I really am supposed to spend the rest of my life atone. I really wouldn't be surprised. I have sorta been by myself my whole life right, I mean why fight what God has planned? But honestly the worst thing is the yelling I hate the yelling. I just wish it would stop.  Loneliness I can handle but this...This is a completely different monster altogether. Nobody is probably gonna read this, which is fine I don't really care. Just needed to get my thoughts out there.