A Simple Choice

I hate myself right now. I couldn't stop crying on the drive home. I feel broken, like I am falling apart. What the hell was I thinking? What is wrong with you Michael Ryan? I left because it didn't feel right, I felt like I shouldn't be there, and now that I am home I feel alone and want nothing more than to be with you right now. I am sorry I fail miserably at life. You have no reason to be with me. Why didn't I just stay? Why couldn't you have just said "I want you to stay?" It's not your fault its mine. I have a feeling it's gonna be one of those nights. The ones where I don't sleep because I am to busy hating myself. I am sorry. Not that it matters I guess. I love you so much, i am sorry you are stuck with an idiot like me. You deserve so much more. To stay, or not to stay? It was a simple choice with a simple answer. I would say goodnight but I wont be asleep. I'll just be laying in my bed being silently judged by the shadows on my wall.

Still

I must give the impression
That I have the answers for everything
You were so disappointed
To see me unravel so easily
It's only change
It's only everything I know
It's only change, and I'm only changing
Lada lada ladadadadada lada ladadadadadada
Lada lada ladadadadada lada ladadadadadada

You want something that's constant
and I only wanted to be me
but watch even the stars above
things that seem still are still changing

Thre are some things in this world that happen with absolutely no explanation of how or why. These occurences are labeled as miracles or phenomenons. I would perfer to label them as acts of God. Last week I kissed my girlfriend for what i though was going to be the last time and yet, even though things looked grim, God gave me a comfort. Something that has never happened before. I knew that everything was going to turn out ok, God took care of the person I love the most, and as I am writing this she is sitting on her couch watching The Wonder Years. I cannot begin to describe how much I love her. I hope that things will start to get better and so will her health so we can have a long happy life together. I love you Stephanie